The Last Supper

Tonight I am all alone and a little lonely. I also decided, perhaps because I am alone, that I would go to McDonalds and order what I have dubbed, "The Last Supper". I wrote the date of my last supper in my Big Book with the idea that one day I would look back and say, "That was when my abstinence day was." Anyways, like usually happens, I feel fat, bloated and somewhat sickly. I am trying to impress that feeling on my brain so I will remember that feeling in the future. I have also decided that I would ask a particular person to be my sponsor. With that comes the inevitable fear of rejection. I want to put days like today behind me and enjoy a feeling of balance in my life instead of feeling out of control in so many areas as I do. The only way I know how to accomplish that is through the 12 steps and with that I need help.