Compulsiveness - Part of My Step One

I thought a chubby bear would represent my compulsive overeating. But he doesn't look unhappy with himself. I am not just compulsive with my eating. I drank compulsively. I smoked dope compulsively. I drink compulsively. I buy and read books compulsively. It seems that whatever I do, it has to be compulsively or not at all.

In the book, The 12-Step Buddhist, the author recommended a three pronged approach to our recovery. I've been going to AA for 8+ years and have recently started going to OA. A 12-step program of recovery is one of the prongs - check. I recently connected with a lama for spiritual guidance. That is a second prong - check. I am being treated by a doctor for bipolar disorder, the third prong - semicheck. I don't have a regular doctor at this stage of the game which I really miss. And it is a situation that I have to rectify. But doctors are in short supply where I am and it is not an easy feat.

I've been reading lots of literature on step one. There are times when you have to start at the beginning. Mostly this is in relation to the stopping of compulsive overeating. I don't need to drink or smoke dope or take any mind altering drugs anymore. During my life I would say that booze was the drug of choice and when I couldn't drink, food became my drug of choice. Gotta love those carbs. During the times that I was not drinking, I was eating and gaining weight. I am there now. I would lose weight because I would stop eating (anorexia) when I was drinking. Both are unhealthy ways to be. My boyfriend cannot understand my all or nothing approach to life. He is always preaching to me, "Moderation!" Moderation is a concept that I find difficult to grasp. OA tells me that I must avoid all those foods that are triggers for me such as chocolate, donuts, etc. I had already come to that conclusion though I wasn't able to quit on my own. I am to come up with a food plan and communicate this with a sponsor which I do not yet have. But I just started going so that is ok. I still have my AA sponsor. I have hope that things will fall into place very soon. I am getting my ducks in order. And if I was the bear, I would eat them.